Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Every concussion has its silver lining
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
