it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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