i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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