Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
