He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
