Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
