I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
