how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
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I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
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dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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