Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
