Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
