K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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