member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
