I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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