The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We were destined to go to rehab together
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
