New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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