Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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