Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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