Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
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Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
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5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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