Can i not drive my cunt home
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
