But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
