The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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