sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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