Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize