Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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