Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
