I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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