That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i believe in u and ur pee
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
