I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
