if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
