I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
