Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
