Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
