I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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