I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He did a backflip because drugs
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
