Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
