Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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