well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You ruined the universe
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
