i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
