So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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