If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
