Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
