Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
sarcasm needs its own font
bring money and cleavage
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
