she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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