Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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