Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
