She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
