he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
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