Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
