My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
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I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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