She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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