Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
