Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
