They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
