if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
