atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
