Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
