I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
