i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
