i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
