He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
