the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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