I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have already put on my inside pants.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
