the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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