I can tuck mytits in my pants
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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