My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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