His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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