You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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