It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
