we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
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i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
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drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Drake has all the answers
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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