He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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