i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
