she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
