And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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